


Am I Enough?

by AKoolLesb



Category: saula
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Love, Love Confessions, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 05:37:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16612910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKoolLesb/pseuds/AKoolLesb
Summary: Sophie is struggling, Jack, her mom and now Ryan. Its a lot to handle and now Paula is distant. Her mistakes, Her love. Her carelessness. They consume her. Can anyone save her?





	Am I Enough?

**Author's Note:**

> First fic on here and thought I'd start with a ship i love at the moment despite their lack of air time. Sorry for the hardcore angst but i wanted to do a fic i had already planned out.

Sophie's head, she decided, was not on her side. Never on her side. Constant thoughts of self-doubt, anxiety and guilt fill her mind. They reduce confidence and socialising. Cutting her off from the outside world. That word being Paula Martin, her girlfriend. They had been together for about 3 months now, the happiest Sophie had ever been as she smiled that glamourous smile at least twice a day. But now its gone; because she was stupid. It seem sot be a common theme in her life, her fucking up. You see in her conscious she knew that defending and covering up for Ryan was stupid, immature... but she did it anyway. Because in her heart she wanted to protect he idiotic friend but not she knows following her heart wont always work out. Paula had been distant since last Monday and now it was Saturday. The young brunette had tried meeting up with the older woman but she was always so busy with work and Isla leaving, and she didn't really want to bother the woman's busy life as she felt she had already done enough. Messages were lacking and calls had been non-existent. It broke her heart as she had yet to admit her true feelings for the older woman and she had already been abandoned. Now she's alone. And lately those thoughts she always has are louder, more malicious. Yet here she is laid in the sofa longing for comfort trapped in her own guilt.

Meanwhile, Paula breathes a sigh of relief as finally the 3week long wave of pure chaos if over and now she can sit and relax with her neglected partner. Paula's guilt for neglecting her girlfriend increases and she checks her phone. No text. Her life has been too chaotic as a wave of Isla leaving; sorting out Sal's mess and the forever stress of being a lawyer piled up. But now it's gone and she can finally focus on her beautiful girlfriend she longs to cuddle with.

On the sofa Sophie lies, soft droplets of water stream down her cheek as her mind lies awake. No one was in. No one was ever in. But a fast knock of the door (gentle for the first two but more force on the wood for the second, third and fourth), echo's in her mind. Almost as if its imaginary but then as a faster, more impatient knock reaches her ears she realises that it was, in fact, real. Sophie rises, perplexed, and half opens the door to spy who is at her doorstep. Paula. A mixture of bubbling joy and undiluted fear hit her square in the chest as two very juxtaposing thoughts enter her head. She is here and now they can spend time together, talk, 'cuddle' and simply enjoy each other. Yet a more sinister thought breaks through; she is here to break up with you.

"Hiya, can I come in?" Paula asks, timidly, as she notices the distraught look taking over the girls face. It breaks her heart.

"Yeah, yes. Come on in", replies Sophie in a fake manner. As she open the door even more to allow in this beautiful creature in. The scent of vanilla and coffee fills Sophie's nose as the elegant woman wonder past, into the messy living room.

Frankly, it was a mess. Blankets distributed all over the floor, pillows (at least 6) lounged on the small sofa and bottles of water and whiskey lay on the small coffee table. Paula sits comfortably, waiting for the girlfriend to join, and Sophie timidly walks to they edge of the sofa and positioning herself to slightly face Paula. Silence stretches and the older woman looks on with concern. She hadn't realised how bad Sophie was. She had no idea at all.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?"

How does she reply? She isn't? She's fine? I am constantly injected with negative thoughts and now you are her to push me over the edge? My brothers crippled and its all my fault?My whole family detests me and my decisions? I'm Not Okay. Surely she cant say that though, she was the fun, beautiful, smart girlfriend not some lump who wallows in self-pity. But looking into those hazel orbs she knew it was time for the truth.

"Honestly? I'm not", and with that the dam broke and Paula swiftly took the sobbing form into her strong, loving arms. Suppressed emotions all surface and through her many sobs she explains quietly into Paula's ear. Her insecurities. Her gilt. Her fear. Everything. 

"Please don't leave me. Please, I love you.", Soph cried as her tears subside and she clings to the solicitor's shirt.

"Soph, hun, what are you talking about?" Paula was confused, leave her? Now? Never. "Baby, I will never ever leave you."

"But- you're here to break up with me...that's why you're here now isn't it?" 

Paula grasps Sophie's face with fury and directs puffy red eyes to her determined brown. "I love you Webster. You hear me Soph, I love you. And I know I have been busy but I promise I will not be leaving anytime soon especially not now." The passion she spoke with opened the brunettes eyes and before she knew it they were engaging in the most passionate and loving (but heated) kiss she had ever been in. This is what she longed for love, interaction and more importantly security. 

This was what she had always wanted someone to hold her when she is sad; love her unconditionally and just give her the love she knows, deep down, she deserves.


End file.
